I believe in fate, signs, and divine intervention.

So I've been doing quite a bit of soul searching these last few months, but the message couldn't be any more clear at this point...

Not too long ago, I went to So Cal to visit some people that I really wanted/needed to see :)

I got into a very intense and very personal conversation with someone in a car (they know who they are), and we were talking about what made us happy. A really broad topic, right? But somehow it all diverted back to work and the kids. That's all my life is centered around and right now, nothing makes me feel more fulfilled than being with those kids. I love them and I feel the love reciprocated, isn't this enough? Shouldn't I be content?

This person told me, "The only person who can make you happy is yourself. No other person will do that for you." At first, I was appalled. I thought, "Are you crazy? You're wrong! These kids love me!!!! THEY LOVE ME!!!!" Then, once the emotions subsided, I realized that he was right: I shouldn't have to define myself or my worth based on how others love me. He said, "You need to truly love yourself."

I've always had issues with body image, self-esteem, etc. Growing up, I took a lot of criticism and blame, and I've carried it with me until now. It's so easy to forgive and forget with others, but I can't even do that for myself. I'm working on it!

I don't want this to be a sob story, so I'll cut to the chase... It must have been a day after this deep conversation, I went home and spent some time with my dad (we were actually taking a drive to Las Vegas. CRAZY, right? Yes, another convo in a car.) and he started talking about friends. He said, "Don't trust your friends. The only people who will be there for you is your family. And God." Then he just kept going, and going, and going.... He said, "The only person that will take care of you is yourself and God. No one else." I thought, "Wait, I've heard this one before... Hmm..."

OKAY, God, I hear you LOUD AND CLEAR. LOVE MYSELF. It's okay to like who I am :/

And if that wasn't enough, my brother and I were texting today, and this takes the cake. I was asking him to help me decide whether I should buy something, and he said, "If you want it, go get it." I know we were just talking about an object, a thing, but I looked at the BIG PICTURE.

IF YOU WANT IT, GO GET IT. Wow.

Final thoughts: Life is just going to stand still unless I go out there and make something of it. And I have to really love who I am if I want to make things happen!

Thanks to Robert, dad, and Phil for helping me realize this.